It was agreed that a little more work on the opening shots would make it better - with more emphasis on the house itself with a little scary background music... and perhaps a couple of gravestones in the garden covered in leaves to raise questions as to what happened to the previous tenants...
This got me thinking about how the film would look visually. And the house from Channel 4 sitcom 'Spaced' was, subconsciously, the house I had in mind when writing the script. This is the house in question:
The type of ironic comedy used in 'Spaced', with its cross referencing is similar to the comedy I envisage in my own script. For example, the cliched scary music that accompanies the shot of the house is similar to how I imagine the house in my script being portrayed.
I was also advised to make a bigger character of Mr Green, the landlord. I added a few scenes, inbetween the scenes of the two girls, with Mr Green walking up and down the garden path, looking increasingly fearful at the house. I think this character makes the eerie humour all the more effective.
The re-write was received well... and I am very happy to say that one of the other groups has chosen it to make into a film!
I am incredibly excited about seeing what they do with it - it's fascinating as a script-writer to send your work out there, with a very specific image in your head, and see whether other people have the same image when they read and translate it into the medium of film.
